Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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