you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
