we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize