Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
