I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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