Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
