Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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