But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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