what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
