My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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