i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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