I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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