I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
