I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
