I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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