I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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