I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
