i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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