Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
