Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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