CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
