I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
