kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.