pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day