I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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