I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.