I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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