when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?