I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.