glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
