heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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