man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
