Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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