2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
