she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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