Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
