you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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