we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im holly from the hills drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
