Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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