There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
