i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
