I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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