They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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