Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
