True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
