How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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