nut hugger
I can tuck mytits in my pants
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
