You're a womanizer and a bitch.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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