i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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