his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was CRYING into my vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
