He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A bitchslap is in order.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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