I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
