she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
