I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
