i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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