sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.