The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
