He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
