gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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