I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
