i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
