I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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