I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
