I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
