Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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