Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your cock deserves a montage
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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