I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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