I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize